Tearing my way up the 99
Trying to forget the world that I left behind
If you need to reach me just send good Old Scratch a line
There's a picture on the dashboard I keep to remind
Me of the place that I left home to find
But that smile of yours don't exist anymore
So I'll drive, I'll drive, to the next state line
But I'm still wasting my time
Blurring the line between despair and death
Nursing a grudge
Holding out for a love that can rebuild what's left
Oh and Mama, if you only knew
The things that your boy's been going through
You wouldn't be writing me now
Saying "Honey, this will all be over soon"
There's a lot on my mind now
But Butte County's calling
There's gold hills and green trees
And much that was stolen
By that black veil I once wore over my eyes
Those woods that I once knew
Where I fell in love
Were as muted as my heart and black as my lungs
But all at once
The world is full of light and I know why
Cuz I'm done wasting my time
Blurring the line between despair and death
Nursing a grudge
Holding out for a love that can rebuild what's left
Oh and Mama, if you only knew
The things that your boy's been going through
You wouldn't be writing me now
Saying "Honey, this will all be over soon"
Cuz I'm done wasting my time
Blurring the line between despair and death
Nursing a grudge
Holding out for a love that can rebuild what's left
Oh and Mama, if you only knew
The things that your boy's been going through
You wouldn't be writing me now
Saying "Honey, this will all be over soon"
Oh and Mama, if you only knew
The things that your boy's been going through
You wouldn't be writing me now
Saying "Honey, this will all be over soon"
about
The first version of this song was written in 2012 while living in Chico, CA.
I didn't know how to find a scene in Chico, and felt very isolated there, both artistically and politically. Many of my memories of living there are grey and damp, and taste of muddy tobacco.
In February of 2020, I decided to put a year-long pause on my drinking, which helped me quit smoking three months later.
A lot of things began to change for me when I quit drinking, and even more when I quit smoking. I think that the fifteen years of heavy smoking and 10 years of heavy drinking sat on my head like a heavy veil of sludge, blinding me to beauty, joy, and life.
For my birthday that year, I decided to revisit Chico alone. I spent time in Bidwell Park, and I revisited my favorite places on CSU Chico's empty campus, such as the amphitheater behind the physics building which sits divorced from its stage, *cleft in twain* by the creek that runs through it. Revisiting these places equipped with newly opened eyes, I saw so much of what I had missed, and remembered those times my heart had glimpsed those things, before the sludge had quickly slurped it up and hidden it from my retrospect.
I always loved this old song, which for years was called "Prologue" (A prologue to what? I never really was sure), but the second verse I had originally written had always felt a little out of place with the rest. It wasn't as *true* as the rest of it was, and I had kinda always wanted to rewrite it. But nothing had ever come to me.
When I got home from that trip to Chico, however, I was gifted the version of the second verse found in this recording, and I am very grateful for it. It marked the beginning of a new chapter in songwriting for me.
I have always struggled with writing about my actual experience without placing some fictional buffer between me and the song. This was one of the first times I ever wrote a verse that was really about my life in a direct way, and I really appreciate that about it.
Anyway, I've said enough about the Genesis and Exodus of this song, I'll spare you the Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy.
Thanks so much for listening. Visit Bidwell if you get the chance, it's beautiful.
credits
released February 1, 2024
Butte County:
Music and Lyrics by Lucy Broom
Drums performed by Garrett Smart
All vocals and other instruments performed by Lucy Broom
Mixed and Mastered by Josh Benton in Pioneer, CA
Drums recorded by Henry Chadwick at The Compound Recordings in Ben Lomond, CA
Vocals and Guitar recorded by Josh Benton in Pioneer, CA
All other instruments recorded by Lucy Broom in Oakdale, CA and San Francisco, CA
Artwork by Harley Graham, taken on Instax film at River Ranch Campground in Tuolumne, CA
Special thanks to Eric Green for singing this song for so many years before I finally got around to it. Thanks for keeping it alive.
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